THE DAILY ASSIGNATION: Day 23 "Maximum Security"

Fuck everything, skip everything, do nothing, complete nothing, do no work. And then get infected with ache. With pain in the temples. With eyes half closed, squinting at the light, mostly blind. -- Slept till 3 -- twelve hours -- Sometimes you just want to abandon. -- Sync. -- Write, read, eat, touch yourself, work, write, die. -- Sync -- Write, read, eat, touch yourself, work, write, die, sleep, drink, awake, sleep, eat, die. -- Sync -- Sitting at the edge, high up on the second floor, looking down. The urge is so tempting. A voice whispers endlessly about it and there's not a thing one can say to shut it up. Temptation so tempting to fall into. Or fall down, into, rather. -- Prison's a dead metaphor, deader than a crucifix nail. -- When you're sitting next to the edge it's hard not to throw the laptop over it. Sitting next to a large window, it's hard not to throw a chair through it and flying out to receive it. Standing atop a tall building it's hard not to jump. -- Apolitics dont pay respects to Apollo in the temple of sodomy. Understanding is for the weak. To be obscure is to be deep, too deep to properly deep. Why do you need to understand when Im not too sure I understand? If the words speak what does it matter. -- Sometimes words are just sounds. -- Hi Keaton. Sorry about appropriating your commenting style for this shit. I do it out of admiration. I swear. -- 

-- 'Your words dont word.'

[O?] 

'Not at all.

[Well damn.] -- (Prison's a dead metaphor.) -- 

Im listening to Manic Street Preacher's Journal for Plague Lovers and I feel 17. Im back sophomore year High school, when I was really into this album. --

-- 'What happened to the Stein repetitive shit?' 

[Fuck off stop clinging to the past.] 

'But-' 

[I said, fuck off.] -- 

-- I can see the lines that lead to me now as I listen to JfPL. The sample of Hubert Selby Jr. which lead to finding Last Exit to Brooklyn, and then there's reading that at the beach with family, and J. was young then and still something to really love, then I find his other books, especially The Room which leads to list of "fucked-up" novel's which leads to Bret Easton Ellis, Joyce Carol Oates, Kathy Acker, too many others, and Dennis Cooper, and Dennis lead to finding My Loose Thread and then to never being the same, eventually leading to Dennis' blog and an admiration-love that borders on the obsessive which leads to more and more and more writers artist poets films porn everything, and finally to the Trill's birth and then finally this shit. Listening gives birth to seeing everything. 

-- 'Where's the porn-self-loathing-masturbatory-ego-fuck-love-making? The readers will hate this new stuff.' 

[Fuck 'em, they dont deserve my cock in their slutty magpie pussies. Now open wide and take it like you should.] -- ART ART ART -- Look at me, look at me, [O for the love of god, Cal, cut the shit. Sorry.]. 'Talking to yourself again?' [Yeah...sorry] 'It's ok.' [Do you love me?] 'I am you.' [So? DO you love me??] 'I'll get back to you on that. -- Arent I pretty? -- Async --

I finished this earlier today -- Look mom, paragraphs! Am I proper writer now? -- and then accidentally deleted most of what I had done. So Im re-writing all of it right now, and then all this new madness came in. I like it, tho it make come off as amateurish or something. In all honesty, I've written stuff like this before, so now this experiment, this affront to my typical style has fallen into the old ruts. -- Write, read, eat, touch yourself,-- work, write, die, -- Do I feel bad about that? -- sleep, drink, -- Not really. Fuck everything, as god, I'll do as I want. -- awake, -- Deal with it. --sleep, eat, die -- Sync.

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Quick Note: Hey there, Readers, if you're there (Blogger says you are, so). I apologize for the general inconsistency on when the Daily Assignations go out. This is my first time doing anything blog-y, really, so that is a factor, but no excuse. Tomorrow should have all of that worked out, but I cant 100% grantee that. Be sure to check it out, it's gonna be a bit special. Any way, I wanted to tell all yall that for the next few weekends the DA will stop and then pick back up on the respective Mondays. That may or may not become a normal thing from now on, it really depends on what the future holds. I also wanted to thanks you guys for coming and reading this when yall do. It's nice to have an audience. Anyways.

Sincerely, 

Cal.